Sometimes I reeeealllly miss New York...

Especially when my friends back there choose to torture me with little things like this..

The Chelsea Cinema has an ongoing series of classic films, this month ranging from great movies like "Rosemary's Baby" (which I would love to see on the big screen) and "What's Up Doc" (which I saw when it came out as a kid) to such howlers as "Queen of Outer Space" (Zsa-Zsa Gabor's thespian triumph!) and perhaps one of the campiest movie in the history of celluloid: "Female on the Beach". In this 50's howler diamond-hard Lynn Markham (diamond-hard Joan Crawford, in a wig that makes her look like an angry poodle) takes over her Newport Beach waterfront home when her drunken tenant Eloise Crandall falls over the balcony, literally head over heels in lust with beachcomber/sailor/hottie Drummond Hall (Jeff Chandler). Was Eloise pushed or did she fall? Who could have killed her? Who cares when there's this excess of Joan: snarling out lines like "I wouldn't have you if you were hung with diamonds- upside down!" or "You're about as friendly as a suction pump", drinking bourbon like it was water, smoking cigarettes like they were going to be declared illegal and generally playing to the rest of the cast like Clint Eastwood in "High Plains Drifter", but slightly more butch.

It should be a gay old time on so many different levels, and I wish I could be there for it...

Image: Chelsea Cinemas