Sunday, June 17, 2007

It's my birthday and I'll whine if I want to

Well, the actual day has not happened yet, but close enough. For those believers in Astrology, I don't know if I represent the typical Gemini: I'd like to think I'm eloquent and witty. Youthful and lively is open to debate (and boy does that page make Gemini's look bad...) I did get a birthday gift from a (passive-agressive) friend: An LL Cool J workout book, two small bottle of sex tonic from elixr and a GoSmile whitener travel pak. I am trying not to internalise that gift that much, but am I totally wrong in feeling that it's telling me that I need to work out, my teeth are bad, and, since I have not complained of erectile dysfunction to said friend that if I manage to ensnare some hapless guy it will take not one but two seperate love potions to keep him from gnawing his own limbs off to escape the flabby, yellow-teethed horror that is your Pansy?

Her birthday is in two weeks. I need votes on what to get her: AARP membership? Trial membership to Curves? Small bottle of Strivectin and a paint roller? Suggestions are appreciated....

I recieved a note today from a friend who used to blog (as Cantankerous Bitch) and whose writings I miss. She blogged about politics, and since we are in synch politically, I wasn't going to be offended. Well, that's not quite accurate, since she would draw my attention to the latest outrage that pinheads like Savage or Coulter would be babbling about which is calculatedly guaranteed to outrage. But I miss her writing and directed her to do what I do:

Write about random crap! It's as thereaputic as muttering to yourself and when done epistolarily is entertaining to others rather than just drawing strange looks, as does actual muttering.

A bluetooth headset will stave off those looks, btw. No phone needed, just the headset.

Of course you are wondering where, if anywhere this is going. You maybe even thinking "Nowhere fast, bub!"

Well, as I am careering towards middle age, I have noticed that my usual skin care regimen (washing my face then ignoring it) wasn't cutting it. I have loads of freebies from department stores that have I assume pretty much expired and have a couple of pots of Kiehls stuff but have for years just not really done much to care for my skin (I know! BAD HOMO! MOISTURIZE). Luckily the genetic crapshoot (or perhaps my star sign: Youthful! Lively!) had given me good skin, but a couple of weeks ago I caught myself in a mirror with the right light and it was a little Quaid around the edges, and not in a good way.

I decided that I would not go quietly into that good night. Hell, I don't go quietly anywhere, why start now? I had previously used a black soap from Erno Laszlo which I had inherited (ahem) and remembered that I liked how it cleaned, so off to Nordstrom I went. I had some memory of the line, since it was a staple of my mom's generation. Just for the heck of it, I got "clocked" (at 1pm) and got a travel/starter kit on eBay from seller hatr61 and was off to the races: two weeks later I am looking a lot better. Of course this could be the fact that I doing anything and the two hundred bucks I dropped on that pile of "gooke de femme" as Joe Keenan puts it is as much a placebo as that new diet drug Alli (really the antabuse of diet drugs- if you know that french fry is going to cause explosive diarrhea in the middle of a board meeting, you'd eat your veggies and skip the duck-fat sorbet, right?), but I don't think so: laugh lines are back to being only when I laugh and the tone is evening out.

Vain? You betcha. Didn't you read the Gemini profile? Geesh!

If you are interested, Erno Laszlo products are available at Nordstrom, Neimans and Bergdorfs, as well as of course the Erno Laszlo website, where you can be "clocked" to find your skin type. I don't expect any freebies from the company, but like I wrote earlier, I can be bought. Just not cheaply..


Cantankerous Bitch said...

Darling, I would read your grocery lists. Thanks for the product recs, too. You bastards get to look "distinguished" as you age. We wenches merely get pasty. Oh the humanity.

Colombina (Marina) said...

Happiest of Birthdays to you!!

KevinS said...

Tom: Happy Birthday. You know you should NEVER look at yourself in broad daylight, outside, in LA...something about the "slant of the sun's rays!" How ARE the EL products these days? I used them back when I had to buy them from a salesman at Bullocks Wilshire who looked like Rudolph Valentino...such sleek hair, unreal skin...I always had to have a "nip" of something to get up my courage to be stared at by him.
Get your friend some dipilatory strips, a mini waxing kit, bleach creame and tongue scraper! KevinS

KevinS said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
tmp00 said...


Teh sad this is that it wasn't daylight! It was lamplight from a bad angle!

The EL is working out quite well- I got it from the female version at Bergdorfs: taut beige skin and that artichoke shaped hair that everybody had then. Didn't work for me then, I think I was too young. It works for me now, god help me.

I'm leaning towards a two week trial of Alli and a box of depends for her...

pitbull friend said...

Remind me never to piss off either of you gentlemen! Would hate to think what you'd send to someone you actually didn't like. Skinwise, I feel lucky to be female, as we get to use the new mineral cosmetics that make one's pores much smaller, seem to cover a multitude of flaws, and actually make us break out less. Nothing stops you from using them either, I suppose...

tmp00 said...

well, darlin' don't send us passive-aggressive gifts!

FYI- mineral cosmetics are not passive-agressive.

Nor are gift certificates.

Or cars.

TMH256 said...

Happy belated birthday fellow Gemini!! Mine was the 13th, so happy birthday to all four of us. ;-)

tmp00 said...

Of course you're a Gemini-

Eloquent and witty!