Wednesday, July 12, 2006

things I learned from "Catwoman"

I just netflixed this movie (and no, it's not nearly as bad as you've read, actually it's rather fun) and as someone that has lived with and loved them, I have to write, there are things that I just didn't know about cats

Things I learned from cats by living with them

Any source of heat is theirs. If it's the fireplace, they are two inches in front of it. If it's the radiator, they are on top of it. If it's the middle of the night and they are sleeping between your thighs and you want to turn over, get over it.

Any food you are eating is theirs; should you be so kind to be eating pan-seared Ahi or Sevruga served in a cloud of Creme Fraiche, fork it over. If you are serving Tofurkey, get ready for a really bitter look.

Whatever you are doing, drop it now, I want attention. I will step on your paper, type out 24t78ty5ghaiksjughrpieau out on your laptop, plop down on your lap while the Raiders are on the 2 yard line and look at you meltingly whilst purring. And if you know what's best for you, pay attention. I know where your laundry is. To me, it look like litter.

Things I learned from "Catwoman"

Cats can play basketball better than Shaq

Cats can cut and style (and dye) hair better than that annoying straight guy on "Blow Out"

Cats can ride motorcycles after doing hair and styling outfits, much like the other annoying straight guy on "Blow Out"

Cats know Judo, are great at accessorising, can Crump with the best of them, pitch like Sammy Sosa, and looooove product placement.

So the next time Darling Kitty comes meowling for the Tender Vittles, I think it's time that kitty does some chores. Like give me some kicky highlights and scare my neighbors yappy dog into permanent silence.....

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